We Trust

“We’re in a bad place right now”, he finally confessed. I added, “I’m pretty much out of faith. Thankfully I can feel God holding on to me, because otherwise…” I let my thought hang in the air.

The night before we had used the gift card I got for my Birthday to go to dinner at Red Lobster. The conversation of the two older couples sitting at the booth behind me had nearly ruined my appetite.

“You know”, one of the men said as he sipped his Pinot Grigio, “the reason God doesn’t give some people money is because they just wouldn’t know how to handle it”. “I agree”, said the other man. “That’s why we don’t give money to the poor. You see a story in the paper every week about someone in trouble. You can’t help them all”. “Don’t get me wrong, we give money to charity, places like the museum…just enough to get our name on a plaque though”, he laughingly confessed. His wife chimed in, “we give money to PBS too, I really like their programs”.

Defeated, I wondered to myself if maybe they were right.

When Pastor Adrian and Kelly came over, Michael had, reluctantly, stated it aptly enough. We are in a bad place.

Unemployment was not a new thing for us. Michael was typically hired for the duration of a project. When the project ended, so did his job. We had been riding this roller coaster for the past several years, and while it had certainly been difficult it had never quite felt like this. Now, people who only the week before had called inquiring if Michael was available for work were telling him that they were over budget. Others, because of the lack of industry, had brought in workers from other sites. In short, there isn’t anything on the horizon.

I have often thought to myself that if God wanted people to adopt, if He wanted us to be an example to those around us, that it would have made much more sense to make our life pleasant and without struggle. Next week, unless we come up with the money, the electricity and gas get turned off…the day before Meghan’s Birthday. The first round of property taxes is also due, so we get to choose if we want the unemployment to pay for utilities or taxes. The next week the mortgage and land payment are due. Together they total more than half of the month’s unemployment pay. When my weird pregnancy cravings include Jack-in-the-Box tacos I feel guilty for the $2 we spend. We can’t keep the lights on, but I am buying tacos.

Pastor Adrian asked what they could do to help us. “Nothing”, we both replied, “just pray for us, pray for a job”, Michael said.

We like to be on the giving end of things, not the receiving. Receiving help feels like we failed. It feels like judgement and condemnation, like if we would just be “normal” like other people we wouldn’t be in this place.

“But this is your calling”, Pastor Adrian said gently.

Yesterday was bad. It was full of a lot of ugly emotions; jealousy, anger, disappointment, hopelessness, and resignation. There had been days of fighting, and there was no peace in our home. I did school with the kids, while Michael cleaned the basement and fixed the leaking washing machine.

I talked to Nichole. “You sound really bad”, she told me, “are you ok”?

I wasn’t.

Like I said, I was about out of faith.

And then, at the moment I was most weak, He was strong.

Michael came to me. “We need to talk”, he said. “I think, no, I know, this is a God thing. This is all something God is doing in our lives. He’s working. He’s doing something big. We need to wait, and trust, and see what He is going to do”.

Peace washed over me in waves.

Last night we had a really sweet time of talking and praying with the kids. When we went to bed, Michael said “you’ve been praying for me, haven’t you”? “No”, I confessed. “I haven’t really been able to pray at all lately”. As I fell asleep though, I did thank God for moving in our lives, and for giving me peace. This was His reply to my weary heart: “If I am for you, who can be against you”?

This truth I wrap myself in today. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those He predestined, He also called; those He called, He also justified; those He justified, He also glorified. What then shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all- how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?” (Romans 8:28-32)

If the power gets turned off, if we lose our house, if this is a long season of unemployment, no matter what, God is for us. In the midst of some of the worst tragedy a man could experience, Job’s wife told him to “curse God and die!” Job replied to her, “You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?” (Job 2:10). Earlier, Job had said “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised” (Job 1:20).

Job’s words were not spoken casually. They weren’t words of self-talk to keep his spirits up. These were words of truth spoken by a man who knew where His hope rested; in the God who sovereignly controlled the universe and every detail of Job’s own life.

“I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him for that day” (2 Timothy 1:12).

“Those who hope in me will not be disappointed” (Isaiah 49:23).

“Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint” (Isaiah 40: 30-31).

Like Job, we trust.

We trust because we know in whom we trust.

We trust because He alone is able.